I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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