can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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