She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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