Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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