I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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