i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
