4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
