whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
