The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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