she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
