Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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