i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
