We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
