I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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