Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
