You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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