Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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