So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
