Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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