I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
