would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
