God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
