Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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