I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
