the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
