1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
