Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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