...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
