Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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