So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
