god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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