Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
