lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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