You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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