Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize