How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
