That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
