dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
