Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Text me some of your sweat
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
