He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
