what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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