batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
