My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
