I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
