Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
