SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
