The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
