just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
