That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
