i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
