Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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