I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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