I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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