I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
