3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
