i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
