TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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