It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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