When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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