susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
