The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
