is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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