I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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