My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
