Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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