And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
