in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
