First date: that requires underwear, huh?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
