Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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