I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
