So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
