my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ttyl tear gas
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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