his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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