Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
