So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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