girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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